


Whole Lotta Lovin'

by bootlegtruth



Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Blowjobs, Couch Sex, Fluff, Frottage, Junchan, M/M, Rimming, Smut, Some angst, brobabes junbob, hanbin likes calling him pretty, handjobs, jiwon just wanna be loved, some conflict, some resolve, that's because he is!, very childish, very corny, very dramatic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-12
Updated: 2020-11-12
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:27:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27525334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bootlegtruth/pseuds/bootlegtruth
Summary: in which Jiwon thinks he's not pretty enough, and Hanbin tells him otherwise
Relationships: Kim Hanbin | B.I/Kim Jiwon | Bobby
Comments: 30
Kudos: 87





	Whole Lotta Lovin'

**Author's Note:**

> Back with another college fic, who wants me lol
> 
> Was supposed to publish this on 1022 but it got too long.
> 
> Title is from the song Bobby was singing (briefly) on school trip.

"Do you think I'm pretty? Be honest." 

Junhoe stares at him like he's grown two heads, squinting his eyes, and then raking them up and down his body. 

Jiwon squints too, scowling, "Look at my face only!"

The other giggles, nodding before looking up. He taps his chin with his finger as if thinking, he says, "Well, you're not ugly."

"That wasn't even my question," he frowns, then pouts. 

"What does being pretty even mean?" 

"I don't know, like, do you think I could pass off as a _flower boy?"_

Junhoe snorts. When he glares at him, he stops and examines his face again, "You got sharp features… and you look very masculine." 

Jiwon sighs and throws himself on the bed face-flat, whining. The answer was very obvious, but Junhoe never tells lies so he just had to ask him for confirmation. 

"He's never gonna look at me," he says on the pillow, kicking the sheets off the bed. He feels Junhoe sit beside him, elbows propping him up. 

"Who? And what's this all about?" 

He shifts until he's on his side, pouting at his friend before saying, "Kim Hanbin." 

Junhoe's eyes widen, "Kim Hanbin? That dude from Accounting??" 

Jiwon nods, blowing air out of his mouth and onto the curls on his forehead. 

"Since when did you start liking that guy?" Junhoe scoots closer, and his face is almost hysterical, as if it was the most surreal thing he had ever heard. 

"Since last month? When I saw him in the lib. I mean, how could you _not_ like him? He's so handsome!" 

"I don't," Junhoe shrugs. "He gives me bad vibes."

Jiwon sits up at that, nose scrunched, "That's only because you don't like guys shorter than you!"

"Touché, but he still looks like the type to have skeletons in his closet." 

He points at his friend, tone accusatory, "Do not speak ill of Kim Hanbin in front of me." 

"I'm telling you, he's not worth it." Junhoe lies down on the bed, arms over his head. "I get it now."

"What?" 

"You asked me if you were pretty because Kim Hanbin likes pretty guys." 

Jiwon sighs longer. He leans down and rests his head on Junhoe's chest, the latter's fingers immediately playing with his hair. "Have you seen his exes? Kim Donghyuk? David Wang? His current boyfriend? Kim Jinhwan?? They're all small and pretty. I'm thinking he's more into the feminine type." 

"Ex boyfriend," Junhoe mutters. 

"Huh?" He lifts his head to look at him.

"Kim Jinhwan's his ex boyfriend now too. They recently broke up." 

Jiwon purses his lips, chin on top of Junhoe's chest, "It's not like I got a chance anyway. I'm the complete opposite of his type."

Junhoe rolls his eyes, "Well, fuck him and his average dick." 

He giggles and buries his head further, Junhoe wraps his arms around him. "No, but seriously, you don't need to match someone's ideal type just for them to like you." 

"I know that." 

"Good." He feels a kiss on top of his hair. 

He knows it but he doesn't really care. If Kim Hanbin and Kim Jinhwan aren't together anymore, maybe he could still get his chance. 

There's no harm in trying, right? 

///////

Jiwon used to have this complex when he was younger. He was sure it started when one of his elementary teachers called him ugly in front of the whole class. He knows it wasn't true, used to believe it wasn't true because his mother says otherwise. But the laughter never died down and Jiwon never forgot about it. 

When he grew older, he learned to be more confident. Junhoe and his family were a big help. One day he became alone and the next he was being taken into his best friend's house with his bags packed. Junhoe's mother said he's going to be living with them since he has no relatives nearby. 

He grew up with Junhoe, by Junhoe's side. And it was even better that they were so similar. Junhoe knows exactly what to say when he feels down, and Jiwon knows exactly what to do when it's the other way around. He supposes they got a really good dynamic. 

They never really got separated, still in the same college, in the same course. But Junhoe lives in the dorm and Jiwon managed to get an apartment around the block. It was a good start. He realizes he can't rely on Junhoe's family forever so he's doing his best to be independent. Junhoe understands that well enough. 

"Stop staring at him. He's gonna melt," Junhoe kicks his legs slightly under the table to get his attention. 

"Which one?" Chanwoo asks. 

He stares at the both of them and rolls his eyes. He wasn't staring. He was just… trying to see if Kim Hanbin was with someone. He isn't. He's with his friends in their usual booth, playing with the table napkins and laughing. Jiwon smiles to himself. 

"Jiwon's got a crush on Kim Hanbin," Junhoe tells his boyfriend. Chanwoo nods, narrowing his eyes towards Kim Hanbin's direction. 

"Isn't he mostly into twinks?" 

"What the fuck?" Jiwon threatens Chanwoo with a fork, the taller male raises both of his hands, grinning. 

"He's right," Junhoe agrees. "He's into guys he can easily manhandle. I'm telling you he's bad for the environment." 

"He's an actual human??" 

"Case in point." 

Chanwoo tuts and leans on the table, "One time I heard him getting head in one of the stalls in the cinema bathrooms. Nasty guy." 

Jiwon looks at him, scandalized, "You and Junhoe fuck in the bathroom while I'm in the bedroom? Hello??" 

"And? We're roommates. You're the guest," Junhoe says before popping a fry in his mouth. 

"Plus, we always ask for your permission," Chanwoo raises a brow. "And sometimes we invite you too."

Both he and Junhoe pretend to barf. "We're like brothers for fuck's sake. You're the nasty one!" Chanwoo laughs at him out loud. It must've been too loud that it caught other people's attention. When he looks around, he sees Kim Hanbin staring at him. He blushes in an instant, and before he could look away, Kim Hanbin gives him a warm, friendly smile. 

"Did you see that?" He whispers in front of Junhoe. 

"See what?" The other asks in confusion, wiping his mouth with the tissue Chanwoo handed him. 

"Nevermind." 

Jiwon keeps it to himself. 

  
  
  
  


"Where are you going?" He sees Junhoe rummaging through his closet, determined to find whatever clothes he was looking for. 

Jiwon enjoys staying at Junhoe and Chanwoo's dorm. It was inside the campus and just a quick stroll away from his building. Nobody in the house knows how to cook though so he tries to bring food as much as possible. 

"Party. Wanna come?" Junhoe says, head still buried in the closet. 

"Whose party?" 

"I don't know. Chanwoo got invited so he invited me and I invited you. Must be some random guy whose parents went on a trip," he stands up. "Does this look neat?" 

He's holding tight leather pants and a baby pink bomber jacket. 

"Without an undershirt?" 

"And catch a cold? No way. I'm borrowing Chanwoo's white tee." 

Jiwon smiles, "He'd love your ass in leather." 

Junhoe smiles back, "As he damn should!" He goes to the bathroom to change. 

"Feel free to steal some clothes if you wanna come," he shouts from the bathroom. 

"I think I'll go home and wear mine." 

"Okay! I'll text you the address!"

"Bye bye." 

He locks the door on his way out. He was frequenting the dorms particularly this month. His excuse was that he likes staying in, but the real reason—unbeknownst to Junhoe and Chanwoo—is that he gets to see Kim Hanbin in the lounge. Once or twice. Sometimes he even bumps into him on his way to the staircase. Jiwon's content with glimpse and glances. 

Luck must be on his side today. Kim Hanbin was using the stairs and he's just beside him stepping down. Jiwon catches a whiff of his cologne. Very manly of course. It's almost too strong but he still smells good nonetheless. His hair was wet, probably fresh out of the showers. He's wearing a plain black tee and khakis. Jiwon tries to make himself small so that he doesn't notice. 

Hanbin notices. 

"Hey." 

It takes everything in him to get it together. Hanbin was smiling as they went down, looking at him with bright wide eyes. Jiwon smiles back. 

"Hey."

"I always see you here. You live on the 2nd floor?" 

He shakes his head, "I like visiting my friend." 

"Ohhh," Hanbin nods. "You're one of the dancers during the opening ceremony right?" 

Jiwon blushes, "That was months ago. How do you still remember?" 

Hanbin chuckles lightly, "You were very pretty, that's why." 

He thinks he forgot how to breathe. He holds onto the steel bar of the stairs and tries to keep his feet on the ground. Kim Hanbin just called him pretty. Very pretty. His heart was doing two backflips and one somersault. He swears he's as red as the gates of hell. 

"Ah," is all he says. 

"Was it your major? Dance?" 

Jiwon doesn't hear that. His mind was still thinking about two words from Hanbin's mouth. He's still gushing about the fact that he didn't even have to beg to be called one. He couldn't get over how Kim Hanbin said it without stuttering, like it was a true compliment and not something he said to be polite. 

"Hey?" 

He snaps back to reality, "I'm sorry, what?" 

"I asked if dance was your major."

"No, it's uh, Science." 

"Nice. You wanna be a teacher?" 

"Maybe," he says and looks away, biting his lower lip. 

He hears Hanbin hum and then it was the last step. "So… if you don't mind, can I ask for your name?" 

Jiwon didn't expect this. He thought they were just having casual conversations and after that, Kim Hanbin would forget about him. What the hell is happening now? Why is Kim Hanbin still in front of him asking for his name? 

"Kim Jiwon," he says under his breath, and was thankful Hanbin caught it. He didn't want to say it again. 

"Kim Jiwon, cute. I'm—"

"Kim Hanbin," he slips, mentally slapping himself when Hanbin looks surprised at his interruption. "I–I knew you from—"

"It's fine. It's nice that you know my name actually, I'm sorry for only knowing yours just now," he scratches the back of his neck. "Anyway, there's this party later at Dowan's house. Would you like to come?" 

Dowan… He remembers him from Chanwoo's department. It must be the same party Junhoe invited him to a while ago. Hanbin will be there… and he's inviting him too. 

"Y-yeah," he clears his throat awkwardly. "Yeah, sure." 

A wide smile spreads across Hanbin's face, "Great. I'll see you there, Jiwon-ah." He waves at him before leaving the dorm building. Jiwon watches his retreating back become small. 

What the hell was that all about? 

///////

The party was just like any other normal college parties he attended, except this time he was more nervous. 

His hands are cold against Junhoe's own and the latter had been laughing at him, asking him to go smoke first before heading in. Jiwon _forgot_ to tell him he met and had a conversation with Hanbin. He also forgot to say Hanbin invited him too. 

"Loosen up, virgin boy. We're here to relax," Junhoe winks at him as he gets his own red cup. Jiwon hides his hands in his pockets, looking around. 

"Where'd Chanwoo go?"

"Catching up. He'll be back later." 

Jiwon nods, accepting the cup Junhoe handed him. He hasn't seen Hanbin anywhere. Maybe he didn't go. He feels a little down. He was anticipating it. Anyway, it's not like something would happen. He downs his drink in one go and then shrugs off his cardigan and wraps it around his waist. He pulls Junhoe's wrist, leaning in to whisper, "I'm gonna go out for a sec."

"Yeah, sure. Have fun. I'll call you!" 

He smiles at him and waves, squeezing himself into the sea of people in the not-so spacious house of his batchmate. 

Chanwoo bumps into him on his way out, hands full with three cups. “Where are you going?”

“Gonna get air,” he answers. “Is that for me?” he gestures on the cup on his other hand and Chanwoo gives it to him immediately. 

“Where’s Koo?”

“In the kitchen, I’ll get going!”

The taller guy nods and then he’s out. He looks around once again, taking a sip of the beer Chanwoo got for them. It’s stronger than the first one. It’s a good thing he can hold his alcohol. 

The lawn wasn’t as crowded as the living room, he isn’t really a fan of tight spaces so going out was a breather. He leans on the dewy railings of the gate, under the street light, and wonders why Junhoe asked him to go smoke without giving him a stick. He settles on the beer instead. 

He sees him now. Laughing with his friends with his arms crossed, wearing a graphic shirt which says something about men going to war. Jiwon snorts, and he doesn’t know if that somehow caught Hanbin’s attention but he’s staring at him now, squinting for a moment, and then smiling. He excuses himself to his friends. Jiwon prepares his heart for when Hanbin walks towards him like he’s on a mission. He finishes his drink and crumples the cup, hiding it in his pocket creating a deformed bulge. He clears his throat. Hanbin greets him first.

“Jiwon, right?” 

“Yeah,” he smiles back, not wanting to face him but not looking away either. 

“I was looking for you.”

“Yeah?”

Hanbin chuckles, “Yeah, I thought you wouldn’t come.”

“Ah.”

It was anything but Hanbin’s fault, really. Jiwon didn’t know what to say. He feels like his heart is going to burst and he’s sure he’s blushing again now, though he could easily blame it on the cold.

“So... would you like to go in?” Hanbin gestures towards the doorway. He must’ve thought he just arrived. 

Jiwon smiles politely, “I already did. I’m trying to catch some air,” the smile turns awkward after and Hanbin nods. 

“I guess we could stay here.” He leans on the railings too. Jiwon didn’t expect this. But he’s not complaining. Not when Hanbin’s the one coming to him, and wanting to be his company. He’s not as dense as what Junhoe thinks of him. “Or do you wanna take a walk? The party’s a little boring,” Hanbin offers.

Jiwon bites on his lower lip and nods, “I’d love that." 

  
  
  


Walking alone with Hanbin was a whole different experience as it is. His heart wasn't calming down, and he actually had to apologize many times for spacing out. It just feels new. Hanbin was everything he never thought he would be. He was talkative, but he talked gently. He walks really fast, but he matches his pace in earnest, and Jiwon was thankful because he didn't want it to end. Hanbin smiles a lot, not that he thought he wouldn't. He always catches him smiling every time he steals glances from him. Jiwon can't help but mirror his smile, it's a little awkward between them but he hopes the night becomes longer. 

"Am I talking too much?" Hanbin asks, suddenly shy. 

Jiwon snaps his head to look at him, immediately shaking his head, "No, I like the way you talk," he says before he could stop himself. He doesn't retract his statement though, he might say something even more shameless.

Hanbin snorts, and Jiwon sighs. He lost count of all the times he felt his face hot. 

"I wanted to talk to you way before but I rarely see you on campus." 

That was a lie. Jiwon always sees Hanbin. But maybe he said it to be polite. Jiwon doesn't mind. If Hanbin only became interested in him now, it's fine. At least he is.

"Ah, I must be really busy."

"You're always with that tall guy. Is he um… is he your boyfriend?" 

Jiwon's eyes widen, "Junhoe? No. No. He's my best friend. He's like a brother to me," he explains. 

"Oh… that's good for me then," he whispers. Jiwon doesn't catch it. 

"Huh?" 

"Nothing." His smile grows bigger. 

They walk a little bit more, and Jiwon finds himself getting comfortable as time passes. He's laughing every time Hanbin would say something funny. In turn, he would tell some jokes too, like they knew each other way before and not just talking for the first time. Jiwon was already sure how this would end. He hopes it's worth it though. 

"You said you don't live in the dorms. You rent an apartment?" 

Jiwon nods, "Yeah, it's near the university too so it's not much of a hassle." 

Hanbin hums, "Must be nice. Having a roommate is a pain in the ass."

"It's hard living alone too," Jiwon shrugs. "You have to do all things by yourself."

The other guy looks at him and then laughs, Jiwon wonders what was funny. "You're even pouting… aww, princess." 

He averts his gaze, ears pinking in embarrassment. Hanbin pulls his wrist and holds onto it, he turns around. 

"Let me walk you to your house. Is that alright?" 

Jiwon gulps, his face is too close. He's never seen Hanbin this near. He loves his eyes the most. "Y-yeah, we're almost there." 

Hanbin doesn't let go of his wrist, it even slips down to his fingers, rough against his cold one. He lets him hold his hand as they walk in silence, off to take him home. He forgets about calling Junhoe or Chanwoo. They'll know about it tomorrow. Tonight is just for the two of them. 

Jiwon stops first, and Hanbin is compelled to stop too, staring at the building where he stays in. 

"Woah, how do you pay for this?" 

He chuckles, "I promise you, it's just the exterior that looks nice. Anyway, I work part-time." 

Jiwon argues with himself if he should invite Hanbin over or if it'll be too fast. He opts for the former and just waits for him to leave. He can't possibly bring himself to ask him to. 

"Should we call it a night?" Hanbin asks, but his hand is still holding his own and Jiwon doesn't want to let go. Not when he already got accustomed to its warmth. 

"I think it's super late," he says quietly, but enough for Hanbin to hear. 

"It was nice finally talking to you, Jiwon," Hanbin says, moving closer. 

He holds his breath and nods, unable to reply. It was like an automatic button someone pressed when he closes his eyes, and Hanbin's other hand is cradling his cheek, his breath hot against his skin. 

"I'm not gonna do anything…" Hanbin whispers, "... but if you say yes, I'm not gonna stop." 

Jiwon couldn't speak, so he just lets his inhibitions take the lead and nods. He was sure he said the word _yes,_ albeit quietly. Not long after, Hanbin's lips are on his lips, pressing softly like a good dream. His hands hike up to clamp on his shoulders and Hanbin lets his fingers go to pull his waist closer. Then his lips were moving. It's slow, too slow that he almost forgets about breathing. He sucks on his lower lip, and Jiwon moans, his knees wobbling and Hanbin bites, lightly at first and then he can taste copper on his tongue, on Hanbin's tongue too. It felt good. He's never been kissed like he's loved. If it was a dream, he hopes he never wakes up. 

But he opens his eyes then, when Hanbin pulls away, still too close to even out his breathing, smiling. He goes cross-eyed but he smiles too, clasping his fingers together on his nape. 

"Sorry for biting," he says cheekily. 

"I don't mind," he replies, head still spinning. 

Hanbin leans in and he anticipates another kiss, but he goes down to plant a long one on the side of his neck, just below his jaw. It was fleeting, but perfect. Just a slight touch, but it lingered. "I'll see you tomorrow."

Jiwon regrets that he didn't invite him over. 

But at least he got a taste of his lips. 

///////

"You're glowing," Junhoe tells him at lunch, eyes narrowed meticulously and then raising his brow. Chanwoo follows suit, examining his face. 

"He's not?" 

"Shut up, Jung. You can't see it 'cause you're not gay." 

Chanwoo rolls his eyes, "Okay, how many times do I have to say that I'm a bisexual who prefers males?" 

Junhoe scrunches his nose, and then pulls Chanwoo's head to kiss his temple, "Baby Jung, I was kidding!"

Jiwon scoffs. It seems to snap Junhoe's attention back to him. "So… why did you dip last night and why do you have a post-coital glow?" 

He gasps, scandalized, "I didn't have sex with anyone." 

"Hmmm… sounds bull. What happened?" 

He plays his food with his fork and blows his hair out of his face, avoiding Junhoe's gaze. The other waits for an answer patiently and Jiwon only says, "Nothing." 

"Liar!"

He laughs, "I swear, it's nothing!" 

Junhoe doesn't need to know yet. He's going to judge him for being too easy. It's not like he let Hanbin fuck him but kissing was one of Junhoe's major deals. He says lips are just as sinful as dicks. 

Chanwoo was about to gang up on him and confirm that he was lying until Hanbin walked past their booth, and it wasn't just that… he smiles at him and waves. Jiwon waves back stiffly, blood rushing to his cheeks. Hanbin settles on his usual seat and he wonders how he could avoid the situation that is Junhoe's curious and confused look. 

"What the fuck was that, Kim?" 

"Uh… wow I'm starving," he stalls, thinking of a good excuse. 

Junhoe shakes his head in disappointment, "Tell me. Now." 

Jiwon does tell him everything. Starting from meeting Hanbin in the dorm staircase and then Hanbin walking him to his house. Of course he leaves out the part where Hanbin kissed him, and the fact that Hanbin called him pretty. But by the looks of it, Junhoe seems to have figured it out already. 

"Hold on, let me wash my hands first, and then we continue." Junhoe stands up and leaves them, obviously in a hurry. Jiwon slumps in his seat, watching Chanwoo finish his drink. 

"Jung, do you think I'm pretty?"

If he didn't know any better, he would've taken offense with the way the other guy almost spat his drink, choking in front of him. He rolls his eyes, face in a frown as he hands him a tissue. 

"Yo, I'm taken," Chanwoo answers after recovering. 

"You can't find anyone pretty because of that? I'm not even asking you out, weirdo."

Chanwoo scrunches his nose pensively, "You want me to be honest?"

"Sure. Let's hear it."

"Okay," he stops and checks out his face. Jiwon wants to hide away but he brought this upon himself so he doesn't, instead he waits. "You're not ugly."

He scoffs, "That's what Koo Junhoe said. I'm asking if you think I'm pretty."

"Well, you don't exactly have _that_ kind of features."

Jiwon furrows his brows, "What kind?" 

"Like… uh… like, I don't know, soft features? I mean, look—" Chanwoo breathes out. Jiwon refrains himself from laughing because he seems to be having a hard time explaining what he really meant without sounding offensive. Jiwon wouldn't take offense. He knows what the answer is the minute he asked. He just wanted a second opinion. After Hanbin had kissed him, he's been debating on whether or not he was his type. It couldn't be. It's not possible. Jiwon thinks he's nowhere near Hanbin's exes' level. But there also wasn't anything wrong with thinking Hanbin would change his mind and _try_ him, at least. He has charms and well… he did call him pretty. 

"Koo isn't a pretty boy either. He's too manly. I'm not a pretty boy. And you… " Junhoe comes before he could even finish. Jiwon rests his head on the table. 

"What's this talk about me not being pretty?" Junhoe asks. 

"Who said that?" Chanwoo asks back, and Jiwon snorts. He knows his best friend has rolled his eyes. "Oh my god!"

He lifts his head to look at Chanwoo who seems to be having some kind of epiphany. Junhoe's staring at his boyfriend with the same confused look as his. 

"You asked because Hanbin likes pretty boys!" 

Jiwon glares at him, "Shut up."

"What—what did he ask?" 

"He asked if—"

"Shut up, Jung!"

Chanwoo raises both of his hands, "Damn, okay. I'm gonna shut up."

Junhoe pouts and pretends to sulk. They’re about to leave when Hanbin stops in front of them, rendering him speechless, frozen in his spot. Everyone seems to hold their breaths. 

"Hey, uhm… I was wondering if you'd like to hang out with me later? I could fetch you if you want," Hanbin tilts his head with a slight smile, looking a little nervous. He feels Junhoe pinch his back and that's when he could finally find his voice to speak. He clears his throat first. 

"Yeah. Yes. That would be fun." 

Hanbin's smile grows wider, he laughs, the boyish one that always gets his knees weak. "Nice. Okay. See you?" 

He nods and waves when he excuses himself. 

"He's totally into you." "I wanna punch him." Chanwoo and Junhoe say simultaneously. 

Jiwon's too far in his imagination to care. He's beyond elated. 

Hanbin doesn't even need to do anything. He just had to smile once and it's over.

"Kim, if you don't get your ass in here!"

///////

Jiwon did everything to look _pretty._

Not to the point of overdoing it though, he just upped his game. 

He dropped his usual baggy hoodie for a slightly fitted wool sweater. He made his hair extra fluffy, and wavy, with his silky curls hanging down his forehead. He put on the cherry lip balm his ex gave him before, the one where it leaves a light pink tint on his lips. He sprayed on the most fruity scent from his perfume collection. 

And he made sure he had sweater paws. People go batshit crazy over it. Jiwon looks in the mirror and smiles. Well, he sure as hell doesn't look too masculine now. He never understood why people would think that anyway. Sure, he looks physically strong, but he dresses nowhere near like, say, how Hanbin does. Now that's a masc. 

He leaves his apartment feeling good about himself, fresh and excited. Although he doesn't know what to do with his hands. He hopes Hanbin's already outside the building so he doesn't have to wait. But it's not going to be an issue anyway. He'll still wait if he has to. 

Hanbin was already there. Hands in his pocket wearing a white shirt that says _I went to a cat-holic school,_ straight-cut jeans, and a pair of black Converse. His hair is parted on the side, lips in a smirk and when he meets him close, he smells great. Jiwon smiles. 

"Wow, you look pretty," Hanbin says first. Jiwon's well-aware that he's already blushing when he tells him _thank you._

"You look pretty as well," he adds. Hanbin chuckles, and then he pats his hair twice. 

"Not as pretty as you, that's for sure."

And Jiwon wouldn't want to argue. He's going to die early if he does. Thinking about it, death from receiving tons of compliments from the guy you like doesn't seem so bad. 

It was a fair afternoon when they decided to take a stroll, off to what Hanbin claims as his favorite restaurant. 

They serve mainly seafood. 

Jiwon wants to run away immediately. Forget having a date with the hottest guy on campus. The smell of the place makes him want to barf. Hanbin must’ve realized something was wrong once they were seated on a table for two when the look of uneasiness was noticeable on his face. 

“Jiwon, what’s wrong?” he asks in a worried tone. 

“Nothing,” he lies, shaking his head with a dismissive smile. 

Hanbin narrows his eyes, not buying it. “You seem queasy.”

“Ah, it’s just hot,” he lies again. And he wonders how long he needs to go on with his lie until he finally throws up. He just had to be so fucking sensitive during his first date with Hanbin. He wasn’t even allergic. He just can’t stand the taste and the smell… and maybe even the sight. “It’s a little hot in here, right? And I’m wearing a sweater.”

Hanbin chuckles, “Jiwon, what are you saying? We’re seated beside the AC, it’s freezing.” he takes his hand to show him how cold he is. Jiwon bites on his lower lip, embarrassed. Well, he can’t really think of a proper excuse now. “You know what? Let’s go. Let’s eat where you wanna eat.” Hanbin stands up.

“Huh?”

“I can tell you don’t like it here. It’s fine, really. Come on, Jiwon. Let’s go,” he holds out his hand, Jiwon hesitantly takes it, not saying anything more.

Once they are out, he heaves out a sigh. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to look uncomfy, I swear I liked it in there,” he mumbles.

Hanbin squints and tilts his head, lips pursed as if catching him lie is the most interesting thing on Earth, “You obviously didn’t, you liar!” he laughs. “So, out with it. You don’t like seafood?”

Jiwon finally stops lying, nodding his head shyly and then looking away.

“Oh shit, are you, like, allergic?”

He shakes his head right away, “No. I’m just… I just can’t stand it. Maybe I’m just dramatic,” he shrugs.

Hanbin snorts and pulls at wrist to make him come closer. He must’ve liked doing that. “Nah, we all got our issues. Where’d you wanna eat?”

When he got over how Hanbin’s hand instantly warmed up over the wool covering his wrist, he lifted his head and said, “Do you like spicy food?”

Hanbin taps his finger on his chin, thinking, “I don’t hate it to the point of almost throwing up though, I think I’m gonna be fine,” he winks.

Jiwon rolls his eyes and Hanbin’s back with his loud boyish laugh. This time, he’s the one to pull his wrist when he leads him to _his_ favorite restaurant.

  
  
  
  


Jiwon couldn’t stop laughing at Hanbin’s face. There were tears on the side of his eyes and the latter had just asked for his 3rd pitcher of cold water for the day. 

“You’re gonna pee nonstop if you keep drinking." 

Hanbin whines, pushing his tongue out and then fanning it with his hand after drinking. He was so brave before they ate, teasing him not to back out and now here he was, coughing his lungs out. "Why the hell is it so spicy?" He slurs his words, tongue still out. 

Jiwon giggles, "You ordered the extra spicy one. I asked you many times if you could take it and you confidently said yes." 

"Fuck."

He recovers after some time, coming back to their table once he was done in the bathroom. Jiwon stares at him with crinkled eyes, still couldn't get over the fact that he cried while eating spicy food. "You have the taste buds of a baby!"

Hanbin scoffs, "No, I don't!"

Jiwon doesn't argue, he just smiles. 

"You owe me a smoothie though. I think my tongue is still burning."

"Fine, Mr. Baby Taste Buds."

Hanbin pushes a tongue inside his cheek and shakes his head, obviously annoyed, but he laughs too anyway. "As long as you're having fun, I guess."

  
  
  


They both got the strawberry-flavored one. Walking side by side on their way back to Jiwon's apartment. He checked the time on his phone and it was almost 7 in the evening. 

Jiwon had so much fun. He really did. And Hanbin doesn't run out of stories to tell. He listened to all of them in earnest. Jiwon thinks he might've been too whipped. Everything Hanbin does just seems so interesting for him, with the way he ties his shoelaces to the way he slurps on the strawberry smoothie he was holding. His heart couldn't help but skip a beat every time their eyes would lock. It's such a nuisance though because he can't articulate his thoughts properly. 

Jiwon examines his almost empty drink. They stop in front of his apartment building. It feels an awful lot like yesterday. 

"I feel like we walked a little too fast. We're already here. Next time we should walk slower," Hanbin pouts.

_Next time._

Jiwon doesn't know what to say. He doesn't want to say goodbye just yet. Hanbin's fingers find his chin and tilt it upwards so that they're looking straight at each other's eyes. He gulps twice. And then he blinks. 

He tastes an awful lot like strawberry, so soft, and so sweet. Jiwon couldn't get enough of it. Hanbin cups his cheeks and runs his tongue on his lips. He almost loses his balance when the kiss deepens, dropping his drink on the ground and then holding onto Hanbin's shirt. He manages to embarrass himself once more when Hanbin pulls away and he chases his lips briefly, pressing them together before realizing what he's done. His eyes widen and he pulls away too, looking on the ground where the smoothie was splattered. 

"Cute." He hears Hanbin say. "You smell so good," he adds. 

_Then kiss me again._ But he doesn't say it.

He wants to correct his mistake yesterday. He wants the night to end with no regrets. So he says, "Would you like to come over?" 

Hanbin licks his lips and then breaks out a smile, "I'd like that. Very much." 

Jiwon knows well that Junhoe would smack him if he finds out. 

But Hanbin had kissed him again, longer this time. Junhoe wouldn't understand that. And frankly so, he doesn't really care what Junhoe would think right now. 

///////

He supposes he hasn't been kissed this slowly before. That would explain why he feels like his skin is on fire every time Hanbin would part his mouth open with his lips. He's on a mission to tear his walls down through warmth and unforgiving touches and he's doing absolutely well in it. 

"Hanbin…" 

He travels down to his neck, where he planted a kiss yesterday, but this time he was met with his hot tongue, a suck, a lick, with his fingers sliding past the hem of his wool sweater, pressing lightly on his stomach, scratching soft skin with short nails. Jiwon moans, and again when Hanbin bites. He's left a mark. 

"I told you yesterday…" He feels his button pop open, pants unzipped. He opens his eyes and squirms. "Once you say yes, I wouldn't be able to stop." 

Hanbin couldn’t seem to get over his lips, trailing open-mouthed kisses from his neck, to his jaw, and then claiming the plump pair once more. He moved his hips a little and was shocked to feel Hanbin hard on top of him, casually rubbing his crotch on his thighs. He hums into the kiss, almost choking when Hanbin palms his growing erection over his boxers, pants halfway down.

Then he goes down again, from his lips, to his jaw, to his neck, expertly darting his tongue in all the right places. He lifts the hem of his sweater, exposing his stomach to the cold, and then warming it up immediately with wet and sultry kisses that has him curling his toes. He sobs when Hanbin mouths over his clothed cock, covering his face with his arm when he realizes it's not ideal for Hanbin to see him in that state. 

The kisses don't stop there, it goes on to his thighs, sucking marks that will probably never see the day. He hopes they're prominent enough so he could stare at them from time to time. 

"Hanbin-ah," he moans, shivering in anticipation as Hanbin pulls his boxers down, and he's so, so hard, so sensitive that he reacts on feather-light caresses. 

"Wanna see you," Hanbin murmurs on his skin, kissing every inch but purposely ignoring his cock. "Show me your face, princess."

"No," Jiwon croaks out, voice hoarse from all the uncontrollable whines he had let out.

"Hmmm, why not?" 

"Because…" he trails off, wondering if he'd sound pathetic if he tells him the truth. Hanbin's fingers wrap around his aching cock, thumb sliding over the head to gather precum. Jiwon's breath becomes heavy. "I—I'm not pretty enough," he admits, crying out another loud moan when Hanbin suckles on the tip briefly, before running his tongue around the shaft to make it wet, to make the slide easier. He sucks him off for a few seconds and then pulls away.

"You're the prettiest." He feels Hanbin's presence looming over him, removing the arm covering his face and then pushing unruly hair away from his forehead. "The most beautiful." 

Jiwon doesn't say anything, he just stares right back into his eyes like he's his world. He meets him halfway when they kiss for what feels like the longest time, lips too afraid to let go. Hanbin discards his pants too, breaking the kiss just to tuck the waistband of his briefs under his balls, and he's just as hard as him. 

Hanbin lines up their cocks against each other, pressing them together while he grips on the back of his thighs to make him spread his legs, thrusting experimentally, weakly, moaning in his ear. Jiwon gasps out loud, his breathing even more ragged. Hanbin whispers, "Can you jerk us off, princess?" 

Jiwon nods obediently, reaching for the lube under his pillow (that he definitely didn't use last night). He makes an embarrassing sound from his throat when Hanbin thrusts again, and he blushes so hard when Hanbin watches him wrap his hand around both of their cocks, pouring lube directly on it. He hopes Hanbin doesn't mind that he wants it to be messy. He's too far gone to think about being proper with Hanbin's cock in his hand. 

He strokes them slowly at first, biting his bottom lip so he wouldn't overpower the noises Hanbin makes behind his ear, how good he feels, how it's him that's making him feel good. 

Hanbin curses a lot, and it's hot. It motivates him to go faster. He looks so handsome with his hair sticking on his forehead, lips bitten raw from all the kissing, neck glistening with sweat despite the comfortable cold. He cups his cheek with his free hand, the other going faster. He lifts his head to kiss him again, because like Hanbin, he can't get enough too. It probably never will be. 

"Don't cum yet," Hanbin says in-between kisses. 

He wants to be polite so he stops quickening his pace, shuddering at the soft, slow strokes he's doing, heels planted on Hanbin's back. Hanbin's hand sneaks down to replace his and he almost comes at the touch. It was different. Hanbin feels different. Good. The kind of good that will ruin him. 

"Don't cum," Hanbin repeats, moving frantically, thrusting into his hand. Jiwon moans out loud, shaking his head. He can't do it. 

"Wait for me, princess. Hold it in." 

Hanbin pins his hips down, thrusting harder, stroking them faster. He lets out a desperate sob, biting his wrist to keep his calm. There's tears on the corner of his eyes and he comes. He comes before Hanbin does. His wrist hurts but he keeps on biting, a little ashamed that he couldn't follow a simple instruction. Just like before. He never learned. 

He hears a long drawn out moan and feels Hanbin's cum on his stomach. It hits him too hard that it spills down his groin. Jiwon's still crying. He's still biting his wrist so Hanbin wouldn't notice. He should be fine once he comes down his high. He's going to be fine. It's Hanbin. It's not—

"Hey. Hey. What's wrong?" 

Hanbin notices too soon. He carefully removes his arm over his mouth, staring at his swollen wrist and the bite marks. He tries to hide his face but Hanbin's fast enough to cup his cheek with his palm, kissing his wrist softly, kissing the corner of his eyes, the bridge of his nose. 

"I'm sorry," Jiwon sobs.

"What's wrong?" 

"I couldn't do it. I couldn't hold it in."

He must've sounded so pathetic in Hanbin's ears. He thought he would laugh but he only looked at him with brows furrowed. "God, I thought you regretted it. Fuck." 

Hanbin kisses his forehead now, "It's fine, princess. It's okay. I'm not mad. You can cum anytime. Next time. No more commands, okay?" 

Jiwon doesn't really have the energy to nod but he still did. _Next time._

"I'll clean you up so you can sleep peacefully," Hanbin smiles. 

"I… please stay for a while," Jiwon mumbles. 

"I will."

Hanbin stays. 

But he wakes up all alone in the morning, the space beside him still warm. Hanbin's left a lot of notes. 

_'I'm really sorry I had to leave early. I got classes this time around. Didn't wanna wake you up.'_

_'I bought food for you though. I left the bag in the kitchen. You need to fill the fridge up, princess :)))'_

_'Didn't know what your favorite fruit is, I hope you like pears?'_

_'See you later!'_

Jiwon smiles while clutching the notes in his hand. Hanbin brought him breakfast. And fruits. It's been awhile since someone—that isn't Junhoe or Chanwoo—thought of him like this. 

It's refreshing. 

It makes him happy. 

///////

"Oh my God. No. No way. No. Oh my God," Jiwon rolls his eyes immediately when Junhoe doesn't stop shaking his head, as if he couldn't believe he was wearing the plaid fleece cowl scarf his ex had given him before on top of his black long-sleeves. And Junhoe knows he only wears it to _cover up._ He doesn't own any turtlenecks. 

"What's the matter?" Chanwoo asks, rubbing his hands together because of the cold. 

"You let Kim Hanbin fuck you?" Junhoe points at him hysterically. Chanwoo _oh_ s.

"I didn't!" Jiwon counters, lips pursed to keep himself from smiling. 

Junhoe pulls at his scarf to see what was underneath and Jiwon has no time pushing him away because he already saw two glaring hickeys on the side of his neck. Chanwoo gasps scandalously. "You liar!"

"I didn't. I swear, I didn't!" 

"Kim, you're in big trouble," Chanwoo snickers, covering his mouth now with both hands so he could warm them up with his breath. 

"We didn't fuck okay. We just… um… made out," he admits shyly, and it was true. They didn't actually fuck. It's ridiculous that he doesn't consider making each other cum as fucking. 

If it was possible for Junhoe's eyes to go even wider, it somehow was. "You mean to tell me he was ravishing your neck but he didn't think to put his nasty dick inside you?"

"Yeah, right, Kim! You cannot fool us!" Chanwoo snides. 

Jiwon sends him a glare to shut him up. "Yes, that's exactly what happened." 

Honestly, he doesn't really understand why Hanbin didn't fuck him last night. Don't get him wrong, he liked frotting as much as the next person but his ass was literally right there. And they had lube. _Maybe he wasn't ready._

"I swear, when I see that motherfucker's face, I'm gonna give him a good beating," Junhoe makes a gesture like that of gangsters in the movies. Jiwon laughs.

"Leave him alone, Koo. He's a nice guy."

Chanwoo snorts, "Nice guy, my ass. Who gives neck kisses on the second date?" 

"Bitch you fucked Junhoe on your first date in the club bathroom. Shut up."

The other just shrugs. 

  
  
  


He sees Hanbin in the dorm lounge later on when he was off to drop Junhoe's textbooks in his room. The other guy brightens up, heading towards his direction. Jiwon hides his smile under his scarf, hugging his textbooks tightly while his heart beats loudly that he was sure everybody would be able to hear it if they listened closely. 

"Hi you," Hanbin greets, smile reaching his ears. Jiwon nods but smiles too. 

"Did you see my notes?" 

Jiwon nods again, "Thank you. I liked it. The pears were sweet too."

"You're welcome."

"Did you sleep well?" Hanbin seems to be taken aback at his question. 

"Yeah." But Jiwon can see dark spots under his eyes and he knows he's only saying it to be polite. He pouts.

"Liar."

Hanbin laughs, "I was trying to adjust, okay? Anyway, it still felt nice with you by my side."

Jiwon scrunches his nose but takes his defense. He’s about to excuse himself so he could go home early until Hanbin says, "Can I get your number?" 

He gives it to him without further ado, and Hanbin looks from left to right as if to check if there was anyone around. He pulls him by his arms and then plants a soft kiss on his forehead, bidding his goodbye afterwards. 

Jiwon nearly skips his way upstairs. He feels so loved it's unreal. 

"Stop smiling like that, it's creepy," Chanwoo takes the textbooks from his hand. "You gonna come in? Koo's taking a shower."

Jiwon shakes his head, "I don't even wanna know what you guys are gonna do once you close this door." 

The taller guy laughs, "Well, more than what you and Kim Hanbin did, that's for sure."

He glares at him and turns away. Chanwoo shouts goodbye and then shuts the door. He partly wishes he meets Hanbin again on his way out but it doesn't happen. 

He supposes he'll be content for now. 

///////

Jiwon realizes eventually that Hanbin has no intentions of fucking him. 

It was so frustrating to be on a push-and-pull with the latter and Jiwon deemed he had done enough to make him give in. Hanbin was too much of a gentleman, in a not-so gentlemanly way. 

They’ve been seeing each other for more than two weeks, almost a month now actually. Jiwon had become good at insinuating things, initiating kisses. They spent a lot of time in his apartment, because Hanbin’s roommate was almost always never out. Hanbin had also learned to sleep in, he had adjusted. The thing is, nothing major really happens between them aside from steamy makeout sessions and some sensually slow handjobs in between. Hanbin moves like he’s in a romance movie, and Jiwon just wants to get fucked by him. It was painful. But he can manage. After all, Hanbin’s kisses were just as hot as his touches. He’ll wait. It’ll happen. 

Junhoe was mad. He keeps on saying that Hanbin’s just leading him on. Junhoe also thinks they’ve been fucking like rabbits in his apartment so his bestfriend refuses to visit because he doesn’t want a possible encounter with a naked Kim Hanbin in his bed. Junhoe was wrong, of course. But he doesn’t need to know the truth, that would only fuel his growing hatred at the guy for not giving him what he wants (which he doesn’t directly say). 

Junhoe basically hates everyone he interacts with. Or dislikes. He can be really overprotective. Sometimes, Jiwon thinks that Junhoe thinks he can’t take care of himself but Junhoe’s right about his suspicions most of the time so he doesn’t complain anymore and just lets him be. Junhoe’s very vocal about his relationship choices, so Jiwon tried to hide everything as much as possible until he’s caught. Hanbin just wasn’t very easy to hide since Junhoe managed to squeeze the information out of him beforehand. And he didn’t even think he would get a chance with Kim Hanbin because… well, he dates pretty guys for one.

Jiwon was insecure, alright. But then, there was once a time where he used to be really confident. It’s just a fleeting occurrence now though but he’s trying to work on it. Although, he has to admit, being Hanbin’s… date… or lowkey dating Hanbin didn’t help that much. The guy was pretty popular, very friendly, and he could get anyone he wants anytime. And Jiwon was… Jiwon. He doesn’t really dwell on their differences that much because he had come to accept that people have preferences and if it isn’t him then that’s too bad. 

However, his patience (and his momentary confidence) deteriorate when he sees Hanbin in the hallways with his ex Kim Donghyuk, laughing with his arm over his shoulder. They seem to be engrossed in their conversation, in their own little world where everyone is blurred out. So Hanbin doesn’t see Jiwon. Not that he was very noticeable. Jiwon’s mood turned sour the rest of the day. He doesn’t bother meeting up with Junhoe in the dorms because he would know and that’s what he was trying to avoid. He’s sulking on his way home, taking a cold, lonely shower, and then hugging his comfort bolster that he’s had ever since he moved out. 

Hanbin texted him a while ago asking if he could come over and he replied with a simple okay. He waits for him and tries to liven up just so Hanbin wouldn’t have to deal with him but all he could muster is a weak smile. He hears the passcode being punched in, because yes, he told Hanbin what it was. He trusts him enough. 

“Sorry, my prof said a lot of shit before letting us out. Anyway, have you eaten?”

Jiwon shakes his head, “Not hungry.”

Hanbin sits on the edge of the bed, examining his state, “Are you not feeling well?”

Jiwon hums, “I’m fine. Thank you for asking.”

Hanbin smiles, fingers carding in his barely-dried hair. “What’s wrong, princess?”

It’s a little nerve-wracking for Jiwon that Hanbin knows exactly when to ask if something was wrong. Like he can see through him. His exes weren’t much of a guesser, and sometimes, if Jiwon feels under the weather, he tries to keep his sulking short because he’s afraid they would leave him. Jiwon’s not used to being asked if he’s alright. Everybody thought he was strong. Aside from Junhoe, he's always the exception. Jiwon sometimes wonders what he’ll do if Junhoe wasn’t there. 

He doesn’t answer Hanbin’s question. He just sits up, presses his lips against Hanbin’s lips, catching him off-guard. Hanbin responds by briefly kissing him back before pulling away, holding both of his shoulders to stop him. Jiwon furrows his brows, frustrated, “Why don’t you want me?” he whines.

“What? Why—why would you even think that?” Hanbin tries to make him look at him. “I want you so much, you don’t even understand.”

“You don’t want me enough to fuck me.” Jiwon already disregarded all timidity, he was jealous. He wants Hanbin’s assurance. And although he knows his face has gone crimson, he doesn’t look away. The shock was very much evident on Hanbin’s face.

“I don’t want you to think I’m after sex.” If Jiwon was in the right headspace, he would’ve thought the statement was romantic. 

“Then why did you kiss me? And touch me? Why’d you make me cum if you’re not after—"

Hanbin interrupts him by saying, “You wanna get fucked? Fine. Let’s fuck.” 

Jiwon watches Hanbin pull his shirt over his head, dipping down immediately to capture his lips and kiss him once again until his body falls back down on the mattress. Hanbin settles on top of him, withdrawing just to undress him. He lets Hanbin take his clothes off one by one, he lets his mouth roam around his body like a familiar guest, lips enclosed on a nipple, fondled by his warm tongue and deft fingers. Jiwon pants, hand finding purchase in Hanbin’s hair. He wants to watch Hanbin devour him with soothing kisses, wants to see him when he messes him up. But he closes his eyes so he'd stop losing focus. Anticipating his next move.

"Turn around," Hanbin whispers. Jiwon complies, about to lie down on his stomach but Hanbin pulls him back up, sends him kneeling on the bed, back pressed on his chest. He hears a bottle being uncapped and feels sticky fingers teasing on his ass. 

He leans against Hanbin, arm slinging over his shoulder, while Hanbin holds his stomach, pushes two all at once and he heaves out a long whine, higher when Hanbin crooks his fingers, breaching past his walls, loosening him up efficiently. He tilts his chin and kisses him before replacing his fingers with his cock, sliding in a perfect fit until he bottoms out. Hanbin moans into the kiss, Jiwon bites on his lip until he tastes a hint of blood. He doesn't wait for Hanbin to move, pushing his ass back to take him. 

"Fuck, stay still," Hanbin curses, gripping tightly on his waist. "Jiwon."

"Please move."

Hanbin presses a kiss on his shoulder before snapping his hips to move. And it's too slow that his head starts spinning. Hanbin fucks him like they got all the time in the world. He sucks on his neck, pulling out momentarily before pushing back in, harder every time but still gentle, like he didn't want to break him with his pace. It's precise that he hits his spot with ease, and he fills him up just right. 

Jiwon's a panting mess above him, mouth hanging open with each thrust, letting out labored breaths and soft whines. Hanbin groans in his ears every now and then, or every time he would clench at the intensity, or every time he would try to fuck back despite his knees weakening. He's holding onto him like a lifeline, and Hanbin's hand burns against his skin like a brand, one sneaking down his crotch, getting a hold of his cock, and then stroking him in time with his fucks. 

"You're making me go crazy," Hanbin inhales sharply, quickening his pace. Jiwon gives up on trying to match him, he's resorted to being a babbling mess, body flushed and sticky with sweat. "You feel so fucking good, princess. Ass hole's too soft, too fucking tight. You wouldn't wanna let go of my cock even if I asked, wouldn't you? Hmm?"

Jiwon's answer was a long, draw-out moan. He tries to replace Hanbin's hand on his cock with his hand so he could control when he comes but it was futile. "Go—ahh—go faster, please."

He feels Hanbin's hot breath on his skin when he chuckles, "Always saying please. Such a good boy." 

Hanbin does go faster, until all he could hear was skin slapping against skin harmonizing with his heartbeat. He leans into him and mouths at Hanbin's jaw, nipping, and biting. Hanbin falters for a second, moaning in his ear a little too loud. He pulls out quickly and pushes him on the bed, removing the condom, and then jerking himself off until he comes hard on his back. 

Jiwon reaches for his cock and jerks off too, eyes closed while Hanbin tells him to go on with a kiss behind his ear, with his fingers teasing on his hole. He imagines how it would feel if Hanbin didn't pull out, or if he fucked him raw and came inside. He cums with a high-pitched moan when Hanbin sucks his earlobe, free hand pinching on a nipple. 

"You look pretty with my cum," Hanbin whispers. 

Jiwon lets his pinking ears be his answer. Hanbin giggles and then kisses his cheek. "Let me clean you up. Or do you wanna take a shower?" 

He hesitates for a moment, Hanbin seems to know why. He assures him by saying, "I'm still gonna be here when you're done."

Jiwon smiles and tries to get up. Hanbin helps him get settled in the tub. 

It ends with Hanbin joining in, leading to another makeout session that he knows he's never going to get over soon. 

///////

"I think I'm in love," Jiwon says out of the blue, while he was lying down with Junhoe in his bed, waiting for Chanwoo to come with his take-outs. 

"Hold on," Junhoe sits up, alarmed. "Hold the fuck on." 

Jiwon snorts, "What?"

"You think you're in love? With that motherfucker Kim Hanbin???"

He rolls his eyes, "What's wrong with that? I can be in love with him."

Junhoe shakes his head, unconvinced. "Give me three valid reasons why Kim Hanbin deserves your love."

Jiwon doesn't initially think, he just blurted out things he liked about him. "He's nice to me and he's a good kisser. He makes me feel confident and he always tells me I'm pretty. He's gentle and he's very sexy."

"Kim, Kim Jiwon, my beloved brother," Junhoe sighs, "Just because he knows how to fuck slow doesn't mean he's in love with you."

Jiwon scoffs, "I didn't mention anything about slow-fucking!"

"And you think I wouldn't see right through you?" 

"It's been awhile since I felt good being in a relationship like this," he explains. 

"Well, are you? In a relationship, that is," Junhoe raises an eyebrow. 

"No… not yet," he looks away, sighing again.

"Hey, look at me," Junhoe tilts his chin to make him look at him. "I know Yunhyeong treated you like shit but that doesn't mean Hanbin wouldn't. He's just like him. They're all the same."

Jiwon flinches at the mention of his name. "They're different. Way, way different. I promise you I won't let myself get hurt this time."

Junhoe just shrugs, but pulls him in a hug until they both land back on the bed. He could still feel his worry though, he knows where he's coming from. "I'll be here."

"I know you will."

  
  
  
  


Hanbin had pulled him into the old Physics laboratory just a few meters away from his building when they saw each other in the hallways. Of course there was a greeting or two, Jiwon smiled shyly, Hanbin bit his lip, and the next thing he knew he was walking with his hand around his wrist, locking the door, and then kissing him eagerly. 

"I got classes in 10," Jiwon pants, baring his neck as Hanbin lowers his kisses. He makes him turn around, pressing his body on the door. He tugs his pants until his bottom half is exposed, pushing his back down to make him arch.

"Then I'm gonna make you cum in 5," Hanbin whispers before kneeling. 

He gasps and immediately covers his mouth when Hanbin pulls his ass cheeks apart and circles his tongue in between, pushing past the rim with lewd wet sounds that has him trembling. He moans against his hand, shuddering every time Hanbin would harden his tongue and rub harshly. He yelps when Hanbin bites on his cheek laughing before standing up. His fingers replace his tongue. 

“Am I delicious?” he drawls, tilting his head to give Hanbin more access when he showers his neck with wet kisses.

“Very. You taste the best,” he chuckles. "I need more minutes," Hanbin bites on his shoulder, and then he feels the head of his cock teasing on his hole. "Are you gonna skip for me? Gonna fuck you properly."

Jiwon hums, and he nods like it would break him to disagree. Cheeks squished on the door as Hanbin opens him up with his cock, the dryness hurts a lot but he doesn't complain. He knows it'll subside. 

Hanbin moves likes he's doing a show, careful like he's fragile. He's whispering expletives in his ear all the while, and Jiwon forgets about the pain when he lifts one of his legs and fucks into him frantically. 

He hears bristles from outside, his mind suddenly going haywire, internally panicking. "Han—Hanbin," he calls, moaning in between, shaking his head. He has to focus.

"Hmm?"

"Someone's here. Someone’s coming," he tells him breathlessly, his head pounding in extreme anxiety. 

Hanbin chuckles, "Yeah, you."

"No. No. Hanbin, I hear—" Hanbin snakes a hand up to his shirt, fingers playing with his nipple. He forgets what he was about to say. 

"Nobody's gonna come in here except us, princess," he laughs, nosing up his neck to his jaw. "Trust me, I know. I've done this before." 

Jiwon doesn't want to dwell on it. _He's done it before._ Of course, he did. It's not like he's his first. It's not like it was a special place. It doesn't matter. It shouldn't matter.

Hanbin cleans him up with the tissue from his bag. He wants to take a shower as soon as possible because he feels impossibly sticky… and dirty. He couldn't look Hanbin in the eye. It bothers him. 

"So how many times have you done this before?" He asks finally, looking down on the hem of his creased shirt. 

Hanbin tilts his head and narrows his eyes, "What? Rimming?" He laughs. 

"Fucking someone in the Physics lab," Jiwon deadpans. 

Hanbin furrows his brows suddenly, walking towards him and then holding his hands. He tries to catch his gaze. Jiwon attempts to take his hands back but Hanbin tightens his hold. "Are you upset?" 

He doesn't answer. 

"That's not what I meant when I said I've done this before. We used to sneak in here a lot during freshman year, okay? Jiwon, hey, are you mad at me?" 

Maybe he's really in too deep. Even though it sounded like a bad excuse, his anger dissipates in seconds. Hanbin kisses the back of his palm and he's back to fawning over him. 

"I'm sorry," he says. 

"God, stop apologizing. _I'm_ sorry I brought you in here in the first place. If I'd known it would make you feel bad, I wouldn't have done it. And I’m sorry too for saying stupid shit," Hanbin wraps his arms around his middle and hugs him. 

He hugs him back and tries so hard not to say he's really, absolutely, in love with him right now. No matter how fast things are going between them. 

///////

Jiwon dyed his hair blonde spontaneously while he was alone at home. He figures it was time for a change. He straightens his hair too before planning to show it to Junhoe. His hair didn’t cooperate that much that it started to become wavy by the time he stepped out of the door. He huffs and decides to wear a beanie over it. Junhoe would either smack him for possibly ruining his scalp or tell him he looks nice. He hopes it’s the latter. He’s satisfied with the result, of course, but he can’t help himself if he wants to get complimented by his best friend.

He knocks on his door and Junhoe yells for him to come in. He pulls his beanie down before going in. The couple are lying down beside each other and he squeezes himself in between them. Chanwoo whines, but rests his arm over him. 

“Who smells like old shampoo?” Junhoe sniffs.

Jiwon gasps scandalously, “Excuse me, it’s called treatment!”

“What?”

He takes off his beanie and shows what’s underneath, “I dyed my hair.”

Junhoe puts his hand over his mouth, “Oh my God, you look beautiful!”

Jiwon giggles, “Thank you.”

“Wow, gays are so dramatic. R.I.P scalp, but you do look nice,” Chanwoo shrugs.

Jiwon elbows him but laughs anyway, “Thanks for admitting it, Jung.”

“Whatever, get off me.” Jiwon only pushes himself onto him. 

“You’ve always wanted to go blonde,” Junhoe says.

“Yeah, but you know… he didn’t want to. I finally did it, though,” he smiles.

“That good for nothing bastard,” Junhoe rolls his eyes and he laughs. He’s over it already. 

“Who are we talking about?” Chanwoo asks in confusion. 

“My ex,” he answers.

“Oh? Song Yunhyeong? Why’d he had to have a say about what you do to your hair?”

Jiwon snorts, “I don’t know.” It wasn’t a healthy relationship. Jiwon was constantly being reminded that he wasn’t enough, and Yunhyeong always wanted him in a way that fits him. He was miserable and it got cemented when he was cheated on. Junhoe blames Yunhyeong for his insecurity, and while Jiwon doesn’t argue, he knows it goes way back, his ex just added salt to his wound. 

“Did Hanbin see you already?” Junhoe buries his nose in his hair, albeit saying he smelled like old shampoo awhile ago. 

“Not yet. I’m planning to surprise him,” he says.

His best friend hums, “Maybe he’s good for you,” he murmurs

Jiwon turns his head to face him immediately, “What?”

Junhoe rolls his eyes, “Fine, maybe he does make you feel good about yourself. I was wrong to judge him beforehand. It’s been a long time since I last saw you doing what you really want.”

“Aww, Koo!” he hugs him and Junhoe hugs him back. Chanwoo grunts but he joins in on the hug.

“So about the threesome—"

“Shut up, Jung!” They both say before laughing.

  
  
  
  
  


Jiwon leaves Junhoe and Chanwoo’s dorm with a big smile, locking the door on his way out. He clutches onto his sling bag and heads downstairs. 

Whether it was fate or luck, he sees Hanbin going up, alone. He panics for a second, putting his hand over his head to check if his beanie was intact but he wasn’t wearing anything. He left it in the couples’ room. Jiwon turns around before Hanbin could even see him. He’s not going to recognize him just yet. It was supposed to be a surprise. 

But Hanbin had already caught him, wide-eyed as he tried to make him face him. 

“Hi,” his voice was little when he spoke, nose scrunched. 

“Wow,” Hanbin’s mouth falls. “Jiwon… wow.”

“Um.. yeah, it was supposed to be a surprise,” he runs his fingers into his hair, he can feel his cheeks warming up. 

“You look amazing. God, you look… shit, how’d I get so lucky?”

“Stop,” he laughs awkwardly, pushing his chest lightly. Hanbin laughs and holds onto his arms.

“You’re so beautiful. Even more beautiful. The most beautiful—”

“Hanbin-ah,” he stares at him sternly because the compliments were making his stomach churn. “You’re gonna give me an ego.”

“You deserve an ego! Hell, I’m gonna give you a superego!”

“Shut up, you idiot,” his cheeks were hurting from smiling too much.

“I was about to call you.”

“Yeah? Why?”

“Well, my roommate went home. I’m all alone in the dorms and I was wondering if you’d like to spend time with me… you know, watch movies… and stuff.”

Jiwon nods, “I’d love that.”

Hanbin’s eyes disappeared when he smiled. He takes his hand and they run upstairs to where his room is. Jiwon is excited.

  
  
  
  
  


It’s his first time being inside Hanbin’s room. They were always mostly in his apartment. It was clean, contrary to what he thought it’ll be. It’s almost identical to Junhoe and Chanwoo’s room, except the bedsheets and the bed placements are different. While Junhoe and Chanwoo decided to place their beds together to make it one, Hanbin’s bed and his roommate’s were on each side of the room, and in the middle there’s a long, velvet couch, with a patterned polyester carpet underneath. It’s in front of an installed flatscreen television, which Jiwon found odd.

“My roommate likes to decorate, and he’s also a clean freak so we managed to hit the jackpot ‘cause he cleaned up everything before going home,” Hanbin chuckles slightly, sitting in the middle of the couch with his arms over his head. “All we need to do is mess it up,” he wiggles his eyebrows and Jiwon tuts, sitting on the carpet, in between Hanbin’s legs. 

“What movie do you wanna watch? The couch was specifically bought for film-watching,” he boasts.

“I watch anything,” he shrugs.

Hanbin clicks his tongue, “Okay, don’t complain if I choose a boring one.”

Jiwon giggles, “I won’t, I promise.”

He wasn’t entirely bored, he was feeling something else. The side of his head rests on Hanbin’s thigh and Hanbin’s hand is on his shoulder, but it wasn’t still, no. His fingers were running lazy circles around his neck, or underneath the loose sweater he was wearing on his collarbone. He squeezes his legs together and pretends it doesn’t bother him, although he’s trying so hard not to whine with every fervent touch that Hanbin unconsciously makes. 

Then he realizes he was doing it on purpose when Hanbin strokes his cheeks. He looks up at his smirking face, lips parted. 

“You’re so fucking beautiful I don’t even wanna mess you up, princes,” he tells him, leaning down to capture his lips, kissing him so fiercely, holding onto him too tightly. Jiwon pulls his bottom lip down with his teeth when he attempts to pull away, sucking on it until Hanbin groans. 

“But I want you to mess me up,” he whispers on the corner of his mouth, licking Hanbin’s upper lip, and then smiling.

Jiwon turned around so he could face him, resting his chin on his thigh with a pout. “Wanna suck you off.”

Hanbin curses, caressing his cheeks, “Hey, you don’t have to.”

“I want to,” he says firmly.

Hanbin stares at him for a minute, Jiwon nuzzles his face in his palm. “Please?”

He was never good at blowjobs. He never really got the chance to practice because most of his exes or flings were all fuck and no foreplay. Yunhyeong used to tell him he’s got pretty but useless lips. 

“You probably won’t like it, so I apologize in advance.”

“I told you not to apologize.”

“You’re gonna eat your words once you try me,” he laughs slightly.

Hanbin presses his thumb on his lips to shut him up, “Well, you’re gonna eat my cock. That’s another win for me.”

He pulls his joggers and boxers down to his knees with his other hand, Jiwon helps him get it to his ankles. Hanbin strokes himself dryly at first, and Jiwon watches him closely, biting his lip. He leans forward and reaches for his cock, Hanbin stops. 

He scoots closer, Jiwon wraps his fingers around the base, giving him shallow strokes before rolling his tongue on the tip, around the head. Hanbin’s breath hitches at the sight, running his hand through long blonde locks, and Jiwon hums.

“You’re so good to me, hmm? Do I even deserve you?”

Jiwon smiles before lowering his lips, rubbing his tongue on the shaft, fingers tightening at the base. He bobs his head up and down, satisfied when Hanbin gathers his hair into a ponytail, pulling it down suddenly, and then moaning out loud. 

He wishes he'd just use him. He'll open up. However long it takes. But he's too shy to ask. 

The hand in his hair loosens up a bit, Hanbin's breathing is ragged. Jiwon can see how much he's struggling to keep himself down, legs trembling with shallow thrusts into his mouth, but he doesn't push all the way, and he knows he's trying his best not to. 

Jiwon shuffles on his knees. He lets go of Hanbin's cock but strokes him still. He rests his cheek on his naked thigh, looking at him under short strands of wavy hair that Hanbin failed to keep away from his forehead. "Do you wanna fuck my mouth?" 

Hanbin looks at him unbelievingly, "Can I?" 

Jiwon smiles endearingly, he nods. Then he lifts his head once more and opens his mouth, relaxing his jaw. Hanbin licks his lower lip and then pulls his hair down, Jiwon lets his tongue out. He teases it with the tip of his cock, painting his upper lip with precum. "Hands on your back, princess."

He hides his hands behind him, clasping them together like he's holding onto something. He stares at Hanbin's eyes and he looks sinister, like he'd devour him in a few. His scalp hurts from the hair-pulling but he can feel himself harden through his pants, and it's too fucking tight that he feels like fainting. 

"You better be careful… saying yes to whatever I want." 

Hanbin slides his cock over his tongue until it reaches the back of his throat without a warning, and Jiwon tries to make his breathing stable when he lets it stay there for a moment, groaning heavily. He pulls away and Jiwon gasps for air, tears pooling at the side of his eyes. He pants and pleads, rutting unconsciously on the carpet. Hanbin coos at him, pulls his hair down once more and then starts to fuck his mouth properly, thrusting in and out, and Jiwon's throat tightens around his cock. He breathes through his nose while tears stream down his face, Hanbin wipes them, moaning each time his throat convulses. 

Jiwon can taste a bit of his cum when he lets him go, air filling his lungs like he's given a new life. He coughs, and wipes his eyes with the back of his palm. He wants Hanbin to fill his throat up but he feels tired already, jaw aching, mouth fucked up. 

"Can't you take me a little bit longer, princess? Fuck, even just the head. Seeing you cry over my cock makes me lose it. You're so fucking pretty," Hanbin tells him as he tries one last time. Lips wrapped around the head of his cock. He suckles on it, and hopes he can lick his way to orgasm. 

Hanbin thrusts into his mouth offhandedly, it catches him off-guard. He doesn't complain though, not when his eyes are rolling up in pleasure, fucking his mouth like his life depends on it. 

"You feel so fucking crazy," he's a babbling mess until he spurts thick ropes of cum down his throat, spilling out of his mouth when he pulls out immediately just to continue it with a few strokes, cumming right onto his face. Jiwon luckily closes his eyes just in time, lips parted to catch some, and then swallowing it right up. Hanbin wipes his cheeks with his fingers, pushing them past his lips. He sucks on them obediently and smiles when he hears Hanbin's gasps. 

"Come here," he taps his lap, joggers already pulled back up. Jiwon sits on it, wringing his arms around his neck. Hanbin nuzzles his face on his chest, mouthing on his nipple over his sweater while meeting his eyes. Jiwon whimpers immediately. "Want me to take care of this?" He cups his hard cock over his pants. 

"Please," he croaks, whining every time Hanbin would press too hard. 

Hanbin laughs maniacally, "Wanna see you make a mess of yourself though. Go wild on me, princess."

And even though it was going to be a lot of work, all he wanted was to do what Hanbin told him. So he unzips his pants, lowers it down until he's exposed. Hanbin watches him intently, his hands cupping his bare ass. He puts three of his fingers in his mouth, just to make the slide wet. He hums when he sees Hanbin curse. He licks his palm, and when he deems it enough, he wraps it around his aching cock. He strokes himself in panic, like he's trying to break a record. Hanbin sinks his teeth in his neck and he shouts. 

"Gonna c-cum," he rasps, panting so hard like air was scarce. 

Hanbin hums against his skin, pushing a finger inside of him. Jiwon slows down his movement, gritting his teeth, he leans his forehead on Hanbin's shoulder and lets him loosen him up. He's not sure how he got lube, if it was spit, or cum, he's lost all sense of control over himself and all thoughts just lead to Hanbin. 

There's another finger, and a third. He squirms, soft moans escaping his mouth. Hanbin lifts him up and throws him on the couch. He groans when his head hits the arm, and watches Hanbin remove his pants once more to position his cock into him. He tears a packet of condom with his teeth and prepares to roll it down until Jiwon says, "Go raw."

Hanbin freezes, "What?" 

Jiwon averts his gaze, blushing heavily. Embarrassment washes over him while his legs are held up high, knees almost touching his chest, pants still restricting him, but of course, Hanbin only needs access to what's lower. "If you're clean, get rid of the condom."

And he could've sworn he saw lust glaze over Hanbin's eyes before inhaling sharply, holding his legs to the side. He pushes his naked cock into him until it fits. Jiwon's too familiar with the taste of his own blood by how much he's biting his lip these days. 

Hanbin leans down and shares the copper taste, moaning into the kiss as his tight heat swallows his cock. He pulls away completely and then pushes back in, knocking his breath out of his lungs. His voice breaks when he screams, and it feels so good. Hanbin tells him exactly that. 

"Fuck, Jiwon." 

He cums on his stomach hands-free, squirming from oversensitivity when Hanbin quickens his pace. 

"Hanbin," he calls, cradling his face with his hand. Hanbin rubs his cheek against it and closes his eyes. "Cum in me."

He bites on his sweater-covered collarbone when he does, and Jiwon could feel every single drop of cum shooting inside him. Hanbin collapses on top of him, cock still pulsating. He pulls out and Jiwon gets shy when his cum drips out with it. He rests his chin on Hanbin's head after kissing his hair. Their position was awkward but he likes the warmth as they envelope each other in an embrace. 

"Your roommate's gonna kill me. There's cum on the couch." 

Hanbin snorts, "Gonna clean that. Gonna clean you up too. Give me a few seconds."

Jiwon smiles and kisses him again. He thought Hanbin already fell asleep until he said, "Do you wanna be my boyfriend?" 

That's the question Jiwon's been wanting to hear so he immediately hums and says, "I'd love to." 

He feels the ghost of Hanbin's smile on his skin, and then a soft kiss. "I can't wait to show you off, princess."

Jiwon would love that too. "Thank you."

"Thank _you."_

They sleep together in Hanbin's bed after cleaning up. Jiwon wouldn't wish for anything else. 

///////

To say that Jiwon is happy was an understatement. He wasn’t _just_ happy, he was ecstatic, delighted, he was content. It’s been a long time since he felt satisfied with how his life is turning out. He enjoys the things he doesn’t usually enjoy, like baking for example. 

It was a week before Hanbin’s birthday, and because Hanbin had asked him out on an amusement park date on his actual birthday beforehand, Jiwon decided it would be nice if they stay in and celebrate in advance. He wasn’t much of a cooker, nor a baker. But he follows instructions very well and Junhoe helped with the mixing. Jiwon made brownies, it was pretty decent. Junhoe said it tastes terrific, but Jiwon didn’t want to rely much on his opinion. It was safe to eat, at least. 

Chanwoo bought the box and the ribbon, and a card that he didn’t ask for. “What? People don’t write birthday greetings now? What happened to being old school?” Chanwoo says when two judgmental eyes grimace at him.

Jiwon shakes his head, “I’ll take it.”

When he’s finally all alone, he gathers his thoughts to write something wholesome but short, since there wasn’t any much space on the little card.

_“ Advanced Happy Birthday! Thank you for treating me well. I’ll treat you well too, if you let me._

_-Princess :) ”_

He giggles to himself and hides his face in his palms, a little ashamed to be using Hanbin’s nickname to him on his own. He likes it when he calls him that though, and even more when he looks at him like he’s the only one he sees. Jiwon thinks he’s never been this obvious being in love. Junhoe pointed it out awhile ago, says he’s going to get wrinkles from smiling too much. And because he was visibly delighted, his best friend never said anything bad about Hanbin again, or he refrained from doing so for his sake. 

He sleeps well despite being excited for tomorrow morning. A smile painted on his lips as he dreams about the better days about to come. 

  
  
  
  


Jiwon figures out that Hanbin likes it whenever he’s wearing a sweater. Fortunately, he has a lot. He gets cold easily so he made sure to buy all types of sweaters that would warm him up in an instant. Except maybe turtlenecks, but he did buy some last week.

He retrieves the pink cable knit sweater in his closet and wears it over his undershirt, fixing his hair and giving the waves more volume so it would look fluffier. He thinks about dyeing it pink but that would be a topic for another day. Junhoe would want to be the one to do it to him. 

He sprays on the fruit-scented perfume Hanbin also liked on him. He said he smelled so good while they were making out in the elevator on their way up to his floor and Jiwon remembered the specific scent he was wearing. 

He heads to the kitchen and takes the box of brownies by the ribbon, hugging it to his chest when he goes out. He doesn’t send a text because it’ll ruin the surprise. He just hopes Hanbin is in his dorms right now.

Hanbin would appreciate it even if it tastes bad. It doesn’t, but hypothetically, if it does, Hanbin would still eat it with a big smile on his face. That’s one of the reasons why he’s so in love with him. He hasn’t said the word yet. He was too shy to admit it. He feels too easy. But it was true. Hanbin wasn’t hard to fall in love with. And Jiwon believes that he has a special place in Hanbin’s heart right now. 

He’s holding onto the box tightly on his way to the dorms, chirpier than usual. He didn’t even pant while climbing the stairs, but he minds his steps. He takes a deep breath when he’s outside Hanbin’s door, contemplating on whether to call Junhoe first for some pep talk or get it over with. This is Hanbin. His _boyfriend._

He bites his lower lip shyly at the thought and then lifts his hand, the sleeve of his sweater sliding down to his arm when his fist hits the door twice. He’s about to knock again but it opens and his hand hangs mid-air as he prepares a wide smile. 

The smile dies quickly after being greeted by Hanbin’s ex, a pretty petite guy with heart-shaped lips and bright eyes, sweaty from the neck down and cheeks flushed. It’s Kim Jinhwan. 

“Uh, hi? Who are you?”

Jiwon tries to gather his voice. There’s a reason why Kim Jinhwan is in front of him. There has to be. It’s definitely not because he’s being cheated on. They’re not doing it behind his back. Hanbin’s not like that. Hanbin would never do what Yunhyeong did to him. The scenario felt awfully familiar. He was in the same situation before, outside his boyfriend’s door, except when he opened it, he was greeted by two bodies sharing heat on the bed he used to lie in. 

“Hello?”

“Is Hanbin there?” he asks abruptly. Jinhwan gives him a once over, then he meets his eyes and scrunches his face in an awkward smile.

“He’s taking a shower. Who are you?”

When he doesn’t answer right away, Jinhwan turns his head around and shouts, “Bin, you got a visitor!”

“Who?” He hears Hanbin’s voice echo from the bathroom. His hand shakes. This is not happening to him again. He’s not going to go through this again. 

“I—I was sent to deliver brownies. He ordered a set from the… uh… Sci Club,” he stammers, trying his best not to cry in front of Kim Jinhwan. He looks ugly when he cries. And Kim Jinhwan is so… pretty. Just like Hanbin’s type. Someone who deserves to be called a princess, not just some pity-nickname for a sensitive, average-looking guy he kissed on their first meeting. 

“Oh, I don’t remember him ordering any,” Jinhwan chuckles, taking the box from his hand. He lets it go, hoping he wouldn’t see the card, regretting he didn’t remove it first. “He doesn’t even like brownies. Weird,” Jinhwan mumbles to himself.

The shorter guy thanks him and then closes the door, and as if he was holding it back for far too long, his tears started falling down. He couldn’t stop it even if he tried. He turns away and heads downstairs, past Hanbin’s door, past Junhoe’s door. He takes blurry steps as he wipes his tears off his face. He wants to go back and ask Hanbin himself, but he remembers doing that with Yunhyeong and it didn’t go well. He wants to believe Hanbin was different, but he’s seen it all before. It’s something he never wanted to relive but here he is, running away with a heavy heart. He looks at the exit door and misses three steps on the stairs, falling down on the tiled floor with a loud thud but he had managed to cover his head. 

He tries standing up but he was hurting, so he curls and sobs, and waits for the pain to stop so he could go on. If someone sees him, they’re going to laugh. Jiwon goes back to when his elementary teacher made fun of him in front of the class, he goes back to when his parents died and he was left alone in a house he wasn’t initially a part of. He goes back to when he first fell in love, and when he was rejected. He goes back to when he’d ask himself why he wasn’t enough, and why everyone he’d bare himself into would leave him as if he wasn’t important. Like a damaged good. 

“Jiwon?” He sees him running towards him in a hurry, and Jiwon wants to get away because he’s the last person he wanted to see. “Shit, Jiwon. Is that you?”

He tried to get up but he couldn’t feel his legs. Yunhyeong must’ve understood so he moves quickly and carries him off the ground. Jiwon hides his face in shame. This was definitely not supposed to happen. 

“Where are you taking me?” he mumbles, tears drying up only to be replaced with new ones. 

But he doesn’t hear Yunhyeong's voice anymore, he’s going back in spirals again. And he realizes maybe he didn’t manage to protect his head very well when he fell.

///////

He wakes up in a hospital. The last time he was ever in one was when he fainted during his parents' funeral. Jiwon thinks this is too much. 

But this was Song Yunhyeong, and the guy takes pride in how much money he can spend in a day. 

He tries to get up but one of his legs hurts, and his head. Yunhyeong stands up from where he's seated and helps him sit up, Jiwon refrains himself from whining. 

"You should be careful when you move around. You got a mild concussion and you sprained your ankle too when you fell down."

Jiwon curses under his breath, "How bad was it?"

"Just 2nd grade. I think the doctor said you'll be able to walk painless after a few weeks."

"So I can't walk?" 

"It'll hurt. You might need crutches too."

Jiwon did whine at that. He's such an inconvenience. 

"Hey, don't worry. I'll pay."

He almost rolls his eyes when Yunhyeong tells him that but he keeps it to himself, not even arguing. Yunhyeong sits on the edge of the hospital bed carefully, wetting his lips as if he wants to say something but holds back. 

"Thank you," he mumbles. 

"It's… it's really unfortunate to see you like this, Ji."

Jiwon nods. It does. He's never seen him after the breakup despite being in the same campus only to meet him in this situation, a similar one when he left. "I'm sorry," he says instinctively and remembers Hanbin telling him not to apologize too much. Too bad. 

"No, I'm sorry," Yunhyeong places his hand over his hand, and Jiwon itches to break free but he lets him. He feels a little bit indebted because he took him here. "Really, Ji. I'm really _really_ sorry."

"Am I hard to love?" He asks without thinking, retrieving his hand away from Yunhyeong's hold to wipe the tears that are threatening to fall, and a few successful ones. 

Yunhyeong shakes his head. "I was a jerk. I didn't deserve you." 

Hanbin wasn't a jerk. Maybe he thought too far ahead. Hanbin wasn't Yunhyeong. He should've gone back and talked to him, and asked for an explanation. He should've been rational instead of letting his emotions get to him. 

His phone rings and he scrambles to get it, heart-dropping when it's not Hanbin on the register but Junhoe. He answers it anyway. 

_"Hey loverboy, did Mr. Other Kim like the brownies?"_ He sounds like he's genuinely interested. Jiwon tries not to sniff. 

"Junhoe, I'm in the hospital. Can you please pick me up?" 

There's a loud shuffle on the other line and he knows Junhoe's making sure he heard everything right. " _What the fuck? What did Hanbin do to you?"_

He shakes his head even if Junhoe couldn't see him, sobbing uncontrollably now. "Please pick me up. I wanna go home." 

He hears Junhoe's sharp curses, telling him to wait for him before hanging up. 

Jiwon's all cried out when he passed out. He doesn't hear anyone else except Hanbin's voice telling him sweet nothings, some promises. But he's crying even in his dreams. 

  
  
  
  


He wakes up in his apartment, on his own bed. His room smells a little bit of Hanbin and his stomach churns. He sees crutches on the side of his bed, with Yunhyeong's note asking for him to get well. 

The door opens and he sees Junhoe with a bandaged hand, and Chanwoo following him closely behind. 

"What happened?" He asks, pertaining to his hand. 

"He beat up Kim Hanbin," Chanwoo shrugs, sitting down on his bed, examining him. 

Jiwon furrows his brows, "What?"

"Just a punch. His face is hard as hell but whatever. I can't believe we had to ride your prick of an ex boyfriend's car just to get here." He talks more about how much he hates Yunhyeong but Jiwon's mind focused on the fact that Junhoe punched Hanbin. 

"How in the world did you manage to fall on the stairs at your big age, Kim?" Chanwoo asks, but he hears worry in his voice. 

He purses his lips, "I missed three steps or less."

"Impressive," he claps twice. Jiwon smiles slightly. "I was the look-out, by the way. When he was beating Kim Hanbin to a pulp," he points at Junhoe. 

Junhoe scoffs, "Yeah, 'cause he thought Hanbin would fight back." 

"Did he?" 

Junhoe shakes his head, joining them on the bed. "It's just one quick punch," he shrugs. "But uhm… you might wanna go talk to him. Not now though, definitely not. I told him to wait for at least three days so you could clear your mind. It's not my place to meddle and I know you're hurt but he's got something to say so yeah."

Jiwon only nods. He's planning to do that anyway. Maybe when he can walk properly. 

"Do you mind if we stay over?" Junhoe asks, and Chanwoo gives him his best puppy eyes, patiently waiting for his answer. 

Jiwon laughs weakly, "You guys can stay for as long you want." 

He tells them to be careful when they squeeze him on the bed, arms over his middle. Jiwon hums and swallows his tears away. It worked this time. 

At least he still has his friends. 

///////

The crutches were such an inconvenience. He was advised to stay off campus for a few days until he can manage without whimpering. Junhoe wanted to skip school and help him at home but he told him he’ll be fine. It’s hard to miss a few lessons with their course.

He got the hang of it after a few hours though, he was supposed to put pressure on his sprained leg every once in a while so it heals faster but Jiwon’s pain threshold was at its lowest so he stays off it as much as he can. Although the pain subsides every time he sits, it’s slowly becoming bearable. Jiwon thinks he might be able to walk without the crutches next week. 

Hanbin hasn’t contacted him ever since the incident, which was surprisingly yesterday. A lot of things happened that he thought he lost track of time but it’s been just a day. He understands not seeing him because Junhoe asked him not to, but Jiwon expected at least a text. He realizes he was ready to forgive him, if he just says he’s sorry, even in text, or a call. Because if Junhoe wasn’t _that_ mad, maybe Hanbin indeed had a reason, a good enough. 

Hanbin was a no-show. Jiwon feels sad. He starts thinking he brought this upon himself, which he did if he’s being honest. Or maybe it was the pain killer’s fault, making him think Hanbin’s innocent, which introspectively, he is. 

The knock on the door sends him into a frenzy. He checks the time and sees that Junhoe was supposed to drop by at this hour to give him some notes. Jiwon wonders why he’s not opening the door himself when he knows the passcode and has a spare key, but maybe he sent someone to drop the notes to him. Typical Junhoe. 

He struggles slightly on his way to get the door, opening it with caution. He was ready to give a welcoming smile for whoever was outside but it fades as soon as he sees a fumbling Kim Hanbin.

“Koo Junhoe told me not to disturb you for three days max, but I thought I would see you on campus and it would be enough. You weren’t there and I got worri—what the fuck happened to you?” Hanbin’s mouth drops, his brows meeting in one line. “C-can I come in?” he asks nervously. 

Jiwon nods, moving backwards a little with a hiss. He sees the want in Hanbin’s eyes to help him, hands almost reaching for him. 

“Jiwon,” his voice was broken, like he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. Jiwon wants to laugh if he wasn’t in some pain, it was just a sprain. The crutches made it look worse but he doesn’t think he can go on without it yet. “What happened? Please, tell me.”

“I fell down the stairs, missed some steps,” he answers, painstakingly sitting on the couch. Hanbin was standing upright in front of him, and it seems like he was being scolded at by someone of authority.

“Shit, was it at the dorms? It’s my fault, isn’t it? God, I… I did this to you.” he scrubs his face with his hand. “Jiwon, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“Sit beside me,” he requests, patting the space on the couch. Hanbin’s hesitant when he complies, and Jiwon swears he could hear how fast his heart is beating. He must be worried. Or maybe it’s just his imagination.

“I followed you. I tried, but you weren’t anywhere. I went here too but no one answered me. I couldn’t call you because my phone was broken. That’s why Jinhwan came over to fix it. Jiwon, I would never cheat on you. I wouldn’t even dare! He’s my roommate. He’s like what Junhoe is to you, we’ve been friends since we were children. God, I would never fuck him!”

Jiwon chuckles, pulling his scarf up to cover his smile. He realizes he was wearing the scarf Hanbin bought for him when they went on a date, saying autumn garments suit him the most, and then wrapping it around his neck with an endearing smile. “I thought he was your ex.”

“Why does everybody think he and I were together? It’s very weird,” Hanbin sighs.

“He’s pretty, don’t you think?”

Hanbin stares at him, eyes asking if it was a serious question, “I don’t know. I never looked at him that way.”

Jiwon nods, but he smiles. Thank God, it was hidden. He hopes his cheeks wouldn’t give him away though. He believes him. He’s forgiven. This wouldn’t have happened if only he wasn’t thinking too much about his past. “I’m…” he stops midway, because he’s about to apologize. And maybe Hanbin catches that because he pulls him in for a tight hug unexpectedly, both arms wrapped around him like he’s been lost and then found. Jiwon is sure he isn’t imagining it anymore. He could hear it perfectly, how fast Hanbin’s heart was beating, how loud. He could feel worry wash over him and then there was a kiss on top of his head. 

“I’m sorry. You said I treat you well but I should’ve done better,” Hanbin tells him, voice above a whisper. 

“Did you like the brownies?” Jiwon mumbles against his chest. He’s so easy. One hug and it all fades away. Hanbin didn’t mean to hurt him, and Jiwon thinks he’s got a lot of passes reserved just for this guy. He loves him that much. 

“Not much of a brownie guy but I did. And I didn’t even know it was from you until I saw the letter. I was too late. I’m sorry.”

“Stop apologizing. I heard you the first time,” Jiwon tells him.

Hanbin groans, and—if it was possible—hugs him even tighter. “Thought I was gonna lose you.”

Jiwon giggles, “Did Junhoe punch you that hard? I didn’t even see any bruises,” he pulls away a little to examine his face. 

“Ah, I guess he got hurt more?” Hanbin smiles for the first time since he came into his house. Jiwon cups his cheek, sees that he’s wearing a concealer. He rubs his thumb on it and Hanbin hisses. So he’s hurt. Junhoe _could_ throw a punch. 

Jiwon leans in and plants a kiss on his cheek. And for the first time too, since they started dating, he sees Hanbin blush. “I believe you. Sorry, for not hearing you out.”

Hanbin catches him off guard by saying, “I think I’m in love with you.”

He smiles and kisses him on the lips, no tongues and teeth, just a slow, passionate kiss that has him reeling. He forgets about the pain, or the past, albeit momentarily. Hanbin’s here. Hanbin loves him. 

“I _am_ in love with you,” he mutters against his mouth when he pulls away. 

“I am too, princess.”

Jiwon knows Hanbin’s got a lot to give, but he’d take even just a little bit because it’s from him.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!


End file.
